WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a scandalous turn of events that has taken the nation by storm, President Joe Biden was caught early this morning attempting to launder millions of dollars in cash using the White House’s official washing machine.
White House maintenance staff initially thought it was a routine laundry day until they found wads of cash tumbling inside the presidential washing machine. It was a deluge of dollars, with the machine overflowing with stacks of $100 bills. One White House staffer remarked, “I thought the ‘Money Laundering’ course at the Biden School of Business was just a play on words, but clearly, it was a hands-on tutorial.”
Biden’s aides quickly jumped to his defense, calling it a “simple laundry day mix-up”. One insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, “The President sometimes gets confused between his stack of legal tender and his dress shirts. It’s an innocent oversight.” Another aide added, “This is a classic example of why we always ask him to separate the whites from the colours.”
In a press conference that followed the revelation, Press Secretary Jen Psaki, doing her signature circle back move, pointed out that “The President just wanted his cash to be crisp and clean, like his policies.”
However, opponents are not buying the “innocent oversight” explanation. They’re asking where the millions came from, suggesting ties to shady deals and international transactions. One anonymous source even hinted at a secret “Piggy Bank Express” train running between the White House and undisclosed locations.
Critics have also subtly hinted at Biden’s occasional forgetfulness, with one Senator quipping, “I mean, I forget where I put my keys sometimes, but at least I remember not to wash them!”
The incident has already inspired a line of merchandise, including a popular T-shirt that reads, “I tried laundering money at the White House and all I got was this lousy wet T-shirt.”
The saga continues as investigations commence and the nation eagerly awaits to see if any more laundry mishaps will unfold.