In a shocking revelation that’s sure to startle absolutely no one, a former intel official declared that non-human ‘biologics’ were recovered from multiple UFO crash sites. The sources of these otherworldly substances? It seems our barnyard friends have taken to interstellar travel.
After rigorous and sophisticated analysis from top men in white lab coats, the ‘biologics’ were determined to have originated from the fabled bovine that jumped over the moon and her less mentioned companions, the flying pigs.
“Initially, we thought the cows had finally decided to follow their buddy to the moon,” the official, who chose to remain anonymous probably because he didn’t want to be associated with moon-jumping cows and flying pigs, confessed. “Turns out, these were just the early adopters of a barnyard space program that NASA must have missed.”
Further investigations revealed high traces of green cheese on the cow, corroborating theories that the moon is, indeed, made of the dairy product. The flying pigs, on the other hand, were found clutching airline peanuts, suggesting they may have been swindled into economy class UFO travel.
The official concluded, “It’s time we seriously consider the possibility that Old MacDonald had a space farm.” As of press time, astrophysicists around the globe were frantically revising their theories about dark matter, now speculating it might just be displaced barnyard droppings from high-flying livestock.
Further news on this cosmic barnyard breakthrough will be released as soon as scientists figure out how to explain it without giggling. Stay tuned.